everything that increases me

lunch menus and leaders

Today I was awake at 5:30 am and I knew I wouldn't get back to sleep. When I tried, these thoughts ran through my head: "fresh mozzarella for Monday, when will we start baking foccacia, how much basil will we use each week if we make pesto fresh every day, ..." and it goes on.

I'm still at D'Napoli. The new owner made me a pretty good deal to stay on and help him create some usable systems in the kitchen as well as launch a lunch menu (hence the early morning basil pesto computations). Yet, while I am still working there, sometimes I still feel as if it's day-to-day. I've got a good crew in the kitchen and, aside from working a few more hours than I'd like, things are running well in there. Our floor staff isn't having the same experience, however.

I have admittedly high standards for those who are in management or leadership. I believe in a few fundamental things about management. These may be naive beliefs, but I am not ready to give them up yet. They are (at least the ones I can think of right now): 1- Leaders work harder than everyone else. That is part of why you are respected. 2- Leaders/managers value their employees as their greatest assets, understanding that to lose good people is to sacrifice your own success. 3- Leaders respect those above and below them enough to be honest with them.
I guess the overarching thing here is this: If there is slack to be picked up, those in charge should pick it up.

That's not what I am seeing at work right now. People have been put into leadership because they know the right people (and I know this is how the world works, I'm not trying to change that here) and, being put in that place, they are not earning the respect they need because they still think that being a manager means telling people what to do and then counting the money at the end of the day.

I am so discouraged by the lack of good leadership I see (and I'm steering clear of talking about some leadership that really matters, that could have saved lives in the Superdome last week), but I'm not ready to give up on finding it out there somewhere. I no longer expect to find it though. I am not surprised to see overworked employees padding the wallet of some business owner who's seemingly forgotten what it took to become successful in the first place. When I said I still feel as if it's day-to-day there, this is why. If I don't see some efforts for real change, I don't know how I can support them and keep them in business.

Okay, rant over. To answer Steven, the writing is still underway. I am working on a project for the Boulder Safehouse Progressive Alliance for Nonviolence, querying magazines with article ideas, and maybe I'll start writing some short fiction again soon.

My wife made scones yesterday. They're calling. 

late night thoughts

Midnight feels like late night to me, I'm not sure if it really qualifies as officially late night or not. I am home from work, Julie is sleeping before her 4 am wakeup tomorrow.

In the category of "things you never even imagined," I have been back at D'Napoli for three weeks. Three and a half weeks ago Tom (the owner) had a heart attack and almost died. I called Liz (his wife) to see if I could help. At first we talked only through Jessica, our head server, because Liz couldn't make it through too many phone calls.

Long story short, I went back to the restaurant to help them keep things going. Also to help because they had already made arrangements to sell the restaurant.

Tom and Liz are on my mind tonight because tonight was my last night as their employee because the restaurant changes ownership tomorrow. I am not glad that Tom had a heart attack, but I am glad for a chance to restore a partially broken relationship. Despite having to leave on some difficult terms, Tom and Liz remain some of the best people I have known.

I am thankful they took a chance on me when some other chefs wouldn't. They took care of Julie and I in a time when we needed it. And I know they would do anything for us if we ever needed it.
On top of the heart attack, Tom lost his mom earlier this week. But I know what is the hardest for him is that every night for three weeks he has been at home with his new kitten instead of in the kitchen stretching pizza dough and cooking with us. Cooking is at his core, and it is taken from him right now.

I am exhausted. I have worked every day (minus a Monday with the Burdettes) since Tom's heart attack. But for all their immaturities that led me to resign a few months ago, Tom and Liz have created a staff that cares for one another, and I would never think of letting them down right now. As one server said, "if I'm going to work hard for bad money, I'll only do that for Tom and Liz." Sometimes they make me very angry. Sometimes I wonder if they're the most "Christian" people I know.

But these are just tired, late night thoughts.

blogs of war

Last night on the most honest show on TV, The Daily Show, I saw an interview with John Hockenberry, writer of  The Blogs of War, for this month's Wired Magazine.

I haven't had much time to explore the different blogs, but I am looking forward to reading what Hockenberry called the most honest reporting on the war. A couple that he highlights in the article:

365 and a Wakeup -- Poetic, thoughtful writing
Armor Geddon -- Honest, blow-by-blow storytelling

I wish had more to link to, but I feel like I've only just waded ankle deep into these writers and observers. Follow the links off of their sites and tell us what you find.

new directions

I have been out of work now for nearly a month. I guess that's not quite true -- I've been working at my parent's house with my brother doing some major renovations in their basement. My newly graduated interior designer sister is living in the basement while she socks money away for her move to London in the fall and my parents hit her up for some design ideas and drawings. Me being unemployed and my brother being a teacher became the obvious labor crew. The work so far? Tearing out one wall and building cabinet storage under the stairs. Work left to do: another wall to come down, a new one to go up, wood paneling  and ceiling tiles to be replaced with drywall, new carpet, new lighting. A short list.

Other than that, I have no official employment, but I am chasing a dream. From when I was in first grade and I plagiarized Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (changing the names and the horrible events for my own ripped-off version) to the delight of my teacher (I even got to read it to the class -- I didn't see what the big deal was and why no one seemed to see that I had just copied someone else's idea), I have wanted to be a writer.

I have written some about my grandfather, who wrote 18 books in his lifetime, not to mention countless pieces for newspaper and television news. To him it was always simple -- he was excited to hear I wanted to write and, according to him,  to succeed, I simply had to do it.

People will tell you of the difficulties of getting published, getting paid, breaking into new markets, etc, but I am wondering if the real difficulty of writing professionally is simply, to write. Over and above all the hurdles that are really out there, I know I am held back most by my own lack of belief that I can really do this. And maybe that's why it came naturally for my Grandpa, he believed in a simply notion that he had something to say, and he said it. He wrote about Florida history, telling many stories that no one knew needed to be told until my Grandpa told them. He published an entire book about Florida county courthouses. Did people see the beauty and history in these buildings before he wrote the beauty of them?

In his book, On Writing Well, William Zinsser, answers the question of "who am I to put my opinion, my voice, out there" with the question, "who are you not to put your voice out there?"

When my Grandpa died, his library was split up. A large collection went to the University of South Florida, the rest went to the family. I have his copy of On Writing Well.

I know that tomorrow I will begin again and have to remind myself not to think about all the reasons why not and just start writing.

headlines

Let me try and catch you up...

-- As I said earlier, I quit my job and worked my last day about 10 days ago. I had been having increasing differences with the owners that escalated one day and I felt like it wasn't the time to let things settle down, but the time to be very honest with them about why I couldn't work there any longer.

--  Julie and I moved right about the same time I was finishing up  my job. We're living in a basement apartment of a large house on 100 acres. Needless to say, Kenna is loving it. The cat lives across the lawn in the Young Life house, but spends his days lounging on the grass right outside our window. That's the view from our door, with a little corner of the Volvo making it into the shot.

-- The Volvo has officially been named Mumsy. All credit to my wife.

-- We're missing the early stages of the Tour while we wait for the Dish network to be connected.

-- We'll be in California at the end of this month. More details soon.

It's time to make some coffee and read the paper. The life of the unemployed.

I quit my job

It's pretty much like the title says, I quit my job. 

here's the trade:

This:

For this:

plus a paid-off loan, plus two mountain bikes (yet to be purchased).

All in all, not a bad deal.

And did I mention that the engine block in the Volvo is made of cast iron?

rethinking...

I've been relatively silent here in blog world because I am trying to decide what I want this thing to be. I am hoping to do more writing in my life, and hoping to get paid for some of it. So I'm not sure exactly where the blog fits in, but I want it to fit in there somewhere.

The job search continues; for now I am thankful to be through a huge weekend (Mother's day, CU graduation, Kinetics) that left us buried at the restaurant.

More soon.

out-of-context quote...

said by my 85-year-old Grandmother at dinner last night:

"I think someone in this family should be Asparagus Queen!"

I'll try and let you down easy...

I'm not going to work at Q's. In fact, I called today and cancelled my work interview there tomorrow morning. The thing I couldn't get around was that I was going to turn the job down. I knew that. There was a part of me that wanted to go cook there for a day just for the fun and experience of it, but I respect the time of chefs and managers too much to waste it like that.

I have become increasingly convicted that it is not the time to work at Q's, Frasca, The Kitchen, The Cork, Jax, Full Moon Grill or any of the other places I was looking into. When I called John at Q's to back out, he was bummed; I was bummed. It was harder than I thought it would be. Not hard to be honest with him and cancel the interview, but hard in the way some decisions are; they hurt like crazy but they also bring a peace and excitement at being in God's will.

Julie says I get to cook for her still. And suddenly it's all worth it.